Casket

A co-worker died a few days ago and even though I wasn't extremely close to her, watching people mourn has a way of making me think of my own mortality, and also others. It was surreal maybe, the white casket, the quick funeral service. Almost made it seem as that was what she wanted. She never wanted much fuss made about her, and the entire service was like that. A few words said, and she was being prepared to be buried. Maybe that comes from the family. So what's the point of this blog? Oh, and come to think of it, should these blogs have any purpose? I was thinking of poem lines while I sat during the viewing. I didn't write any down, unfortunately.
Also got me started thinking about taboos, specifically, taking photographs of funerals.

I admit, work is boring.

Music plays

And i think random thoughts like, who are common people. I am going to start school. imu. I wait sometimes for nothing. I sit there and write and don't think. I am hidden partially by this computer. I am not common people, i hope. I am bad. I am good. Sitting down all day is not a way of life, it is a way of gaining 25 lbs in a year. 11:43p.m is the time you weren't here, but I was, writing. It is the time I started feeling sleepy, but also just a big hungry.

Stitches
sex is a word i shouldn't put on here for you to read. Film history is a form of literature, and overdue books get people in trouble. If you give in, I win. My random thoughts don't mean anything to you.

Fin

Dream

I dreamt about love last night. It was about trying to find a specific movie theatre in what seemed to be the French Quarter. Love left me there, as I searched through phone books, guests, in search of this name. Three girls talked about how old they were and I yelled at them "I'm 29". The casino employees looked at me suspiciously when I walked into the casino with some shorts and a dress shirt. A coach was yelling at me and I yelled back. One guy probably had too much to drink, good thing his friends where there. Love never came back.

Funny idea poem

-hablando con una amiga y esto es lo que salio

we spy
wild dancing
pigoens
nuzzling necks
next to each
plump feathery
figure
for a quicky
of creation

Bored

A long time since my last post, and this isn't for a particular reason. I'll just say I am at work, feeling unproductive, although I have accomplished a bit and it is early (11:39am), so I do have the rest of the day. A friend had a major accident, perhaps the first accident I have known to involve people I actually know and talk to. I truly hope they recover.
On another note, love is on vacation. Seems like that a lot though, especially when my semester is busy. But love also motivates. So, thanks to those encouraging/strong words, I am intent on continuing with the Raving Press, and also writing some more of my own. I also have it in my mind to do a little chap book. Nothing to serious. Maybe a "24 Hours" chapbook, lol, if I can stay up that long. That would be like...well, 24 hours...7 am to 7 am...I don't know if I have stayed up that long, but if I do it just at home, that's a fairly boring and pointless project. but it sounds like fun. I have to do different things, I'm tired of all this structure. For movie enthusiast, please watch
1. El Topo (which became the basis for my cinema film class research paper)
2. Lost Highway (re watched and still don't get)
3. Underworld Evolution (OK, so it's a bad movie, fine, but watch it on blu-ray, sweet!)

I'm stuck on 90's alternative *gotradio.com*...i'm old.

I'm going to be productive today.

Feliz Cumpleaños a Mi

Tomorrow is my birthday. I think most years I haven't wanted anything, but this year I want to be showered by birthday wishes. I feel the need for people to know that I am one year older, but I am ashamed at the idea that I want people to know. I momentarily imagine myself showered by gifts, but I just want some acknowledgement. I want this birthday to mark the beginning of a new year. If I can accomplish more than this year, then it will be successful. I want to be acknowledged for my accomplishments. Is it wrong to be selfish? To feed oneself?
I want tomorrow to be a contradiction: uneventful and mine.

I think i want:
the gift i haven't t found for anyone
a midnight call
memories reborn
forgiveness
love
confession

I want to
free your mind

I need to
rest my feet

I think
...this year

I know
I'm not immune

Remember

I have assignments due next week and in an odd way I am ahead because I have thought about them all day and I think I have begun/finished most of them but in others, I can't remember what I was supposed to do. I have to turn in an analysis...but for what? I have to present on Deleuze, which article? I think I'm weirding out because of all the time I have had today...and being at home all day bites. Well, I wasn't home all day, but now I can't seem to step away from the computer. You're evil. And I want to write, but not here, I'm tired of the screen, inside, but I don't want to go somewhere alone. But i don't want to go with anyone. It's confusing, but by tonight I would watch the movie for the research paper, and hope the movie is acceptable, and maybe Monday I'll work on The Wizard of Oz. I even wonder why the papers matter so much if the final paper and exams are 40% each. It's time I calculate grades.

Anyways, i think that's it. No poem, no ideas, just writing.