Some days

I pretend I am alone because it makes companionship easier.
I started reading Richard Rodriguez' third book, Brown: The Last Discovery, and he seems to have changed his stance on identity. I haven't read but a few pages but it seems as though his concept of Brown developed into a cause, originating from a sense of alienation. But I am still unconvinced at this point, mostly because he continously uses the term "Brown" as if we are a flat color. My response is "We are not all Brown" and should not be subjected to one color. We are from all shades and backgrounds. Do not paint us plain. Tenemos herman@s de diferente paises. But I am in the first few pages, and so this is an initial reaction. I will post a picture of the book and more thoughts soon.

Rough

two days I have had. Not on a large scale, just compared to what I am used to. For one reason or another I am not a great handyman, which puts me at a disadvantage when anything home like breaks down. I tried my best to fix them, but usually they are temporary fixes or make the whole situation worse. Such is the case with my central air and kitchen clog. It's gotten to the point where I am seeking professional help.
But that's not what this post is about, this post is about venting. It's about wanting more help at home and not finding it. It's believing I work hard and do a good job and not being believed in. It's about feeling alone.
So my frustrations haven't been about the central air or the drain, but more so not receiving the help.

On a poetry note, I read for one of my friends ENG course and I had a great time. It actually made me forget about all of the above. After moments like these I wish i could write/research all the time. But i have this need/fear to have a steady income. That and I tried looking for a job in teaching but with budget cuts, universities are not hiring. Anyways, I talked to the class about being Pocho and what it means to be a Border Pocho, so I think they enjoyed realizing that we are different here in deep south texas (not san antonio...further down...lol). I think the class was able to relate to me. that makes me happy. i had a good time. Thank you friend. You believe in me. 

Last Night

I got together with friends  at a poetry reading and with one started talking about poetry. We want to create a text-book; a poetry book made up of text poems. The idea of a text poem is not new as follows:

http://bygonebureau.com/2010/01/15/text-message-poetry/


http://books.guardian.co.uk/games/mobilepoems/0,9405,450649,00.html

But, how are we able to create something more precise and creative.
 
1. specific guidelines
2. incorporation of code switching
3. inclusion of text shorthand
 
Some ideas, but hopefully we create a small booklet for this project. Nothing to big, but we need ideas and means of production. It's time to get creative, although I'm still hoping my Summer I class makes.
 
I need to submit to a collection being produced. The deadline is June 15th. I need to submit real soon.
 
Just those thoughts on my mind right now. Maybe this will be considered a text poem by some phone company standards.
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we bought some
love last night
and in the morning
left outside in
humidity, love
turned into rotten
frowns and
unanswered calls

Competition

Sometimes I enjoy it, other times I don't. Right now I'm not enjoying it so much. I sent four poems off for publication and received 4 rejections. Not bad (i feel), since I have been working a lot on chapbooks and teaching. Then I find out another poet (whom I respect) was given the "acceptance" letter.
Okay, now I feel bad. Partly because they were chosen over me, and secondly because it makes me feel unsure of my poems. I'll get over it, but I hate being overlooked. But that person deserves it and this is about what is missing in my poetry or what I'm doing wrong. I just don't like that I'm not able to get my word out about the valley (rgv).
I have to work on my poetry. I think i'm sending sub par poems. It's not the focus of my life right now. Too many focuses, but enjoying  helping others publish and teaching. But then I feel bad for not keeping up with poems.

agh, frustration.

Otra Vez

I have been thinking about posting, but didn't have the real ganas to do so. Mixed emotions lately with working at Community College and enjoying my first teaching experience for ENG. Not enjoying the speculation which comes with being adjunct faculty and if there will be a job available during the Fall semester. Luckily I have a job at University, so I don't have to worry so much about finances. But mostly feel sad that what if not being offered a class in Fall means that I didn't do a good job. I hate failing.

Poems have been at a standstill. Understandable with work(s) and my production of three chapbooks this semester (for local non-profit organizations)...when I say it that way, it sounds good for a resume. lol Going back to poetry I haven't written much and have received a few more rejections. If i wasn't so busy with work and publishing chapbooks, it would hurt a lot more. Anyways, I went on a trip to San Antonio for their "First Friday" Art Walk. It was amazingly packed with good products/paintings/people. Unfortunately, some people always get trampled in a crowd, and for me that turned out to be the workers. I talked to one restaurant worker while a game was on tv. I would tell him the score since he couldn't see it from where we were standing, which wasn't to far away from the tv. He told me about how these nights turn out and some quick references to his family. Amongst the painting and cultural references, I felt closest to him. I understood him most and felt he gave me more to think about than much else. When I got back to the hotel I wrote a poem dedicated to him. Aqui esta (first draft):

Un Pocho en San Antonio's "First Friday"

lo que no tenemos siempre se parece
mas. y lo que no cay es mas pesado.
pero no miramos la manera
que los cocineros
sus ninos con la abuela
hasta la 1.
que piensa esto es una fiesta
de musica y bebidas
pero esto es fiesta
de customers
preguntando por especiales
que no se van hasta
la 1. Fiesta donde
a wrong turn
grabs the attention
of police.
esto no es solamente una fiesta.

immaculatelbg's photostream

immaculatelbg's photostream on Flickr.

Testing out this post. Barrio Decay photos just uploaded.

It's Official

i will be taking part in the Social Justice and Peace Conference/Exhibition 2011 (3rd Annual) being held at the University of Texas - Pan American. The schedule has not been posted up yet for the public, but it should be soon. The following is the panel I will be a part of, along w/ my amigo Gabriel H. Sanchez.


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De Pocho a Chicano, y Back: Poetry y Platica



Isaac Chavarria & Gabriel H. Sanchez, The Raving Press


During the Mexican Revolution, the mass of immigrants to the United States were disdainfully labeled “pocho” by Mexicanos in la patria. To a Mexicano, the pocho’s immersion into American culture meant rejection of Mexico itself. Decades later the Chican@ arose from a generation demanding an empowering identity. In particular, life among the south Texas border area and regions with high populations of Mexican Americans has fostered a new generation unfamiliar with the alienation and lack of rights encountered by their Chicano@ predecessors. Yet, the nuevo pocho generation has recontextualized what it is to immerse in the American culture. While doing so, they have also infused society with a new awareness of the Mexican American identity.


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I am excited but still need to complete some of the work of finalizing the project. I'm sure all will go well, but right now i'm just tired from work & teaching at night. Along with that, I have committed myself to helping at least 2 groups with their chapbooks. And somewhere along those tasks, I'm trying to improve my photography as well as use it towards social awareness(not parties)related events.
 
But do i say no? lol of course not because keeping busy and doing as much as possible is my joy. Oh, but let's not go on this route of pensamiento.
 
What I wanted to say/ask was 1. I am trying to create a short video presentation as a promo for the conference. 2. As part of the video, I want people to respond to the question "What is a Pocho?"


I'm looking forward to the video, although it shouldn't be my first priority. I will post it on here and facebook.


If you have a response to the questions, please comment/email.