It seems nearing his 40's my brother has let go of his rage towards our father. My brother and I talked earlier and we are planning to meet with our dad. It has been a couple of years since I have seen him, I don't know how many for my brother, but perhaps more. What is to be expected? We have had separate lives for 14 years. I feel that I may be exploiting my father for the sake of writing. But maybe that's how I feel about everyone. In some way, I hope my brother doesn't call for us to meet up, but I don't know how to explain this feeling. It is not dread, it's not knowing where to start or finish. Maybe for my brother it is closure. I can't let go that death is always near, and on some days I wonder how I would react to my father's death. Maybe my brother is thinking, it's best to say goodbye one last time. Maybe he's noticed age is fragile.
Everybody else doesn't feel the same. They would still see my father of 15 years ago, instead of a mid 60's man, arthritis, unable to work as before, aged by the south texas dirt.
What will I see?
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