Two-in-one

Today i took a self day. Those days where its just about me, really. As always, when life wasn't busy they were more common. Now with 2 jobs it's more difficult, even when I try to plan for them. So today i did small things like fix the fence, buy the girls a bigger bed so they can all take doggie naps on them, went to salvation army, had a pineapple slushie (+ tapioca), and took a book to the park to read a bit.
It's not the most complex or longest book, but I have been wanting to read it for awhile since the author is from the RGV. I recognize many of the places mentioned. What I'm not certain about is the language used. It's difficult (or seems to be) to make the language authentic; i'm guessing not as accessible and less sales. There was an opportunity to meet the author but i failed to go. I forgot what i was doing or if i was feeling anti-social. I thought i was doing something, but who knows. It would have been a good opportunity.

I am slow reader and I only read for an hour, so I made it to chapter 7. I will attempt to finish the book before the weekend is over. It was peaceful at the park in the sense that there were happy noises all around. right now i'm only getting silence, so i didn't want to stay in to dark of a mood. I'm not making too many notes while reading, but occasionally I'll mark a local landmark I'm familiar with or I will analyze which words are placed in spanish or would be considered "pocho" language.

I also want to review a picture I found one evening while I was jogging.I enjoy taking pictures as much as I do finding random ones. I found this photo:

I'm sure the date is wrong one way or another. It's cute. Two girls (sisters?) with similar sweaters and the youngest child posing behind a nicely decorated christmas tree and plenty of presents. They look happy is probably the main reason I enjoy this photo. I think of family. I have family but I keep my distance at times for no reason at all. I'm working on resolutions, which I haven't tried before, but this is the year I need to focus and get myself straight. Maybe in the end, a similar picture with me in it will be found somewhere.

Dissappointed

in myself for last night. Drank too much and said bad things. Now I feel ashamed. Instead of being creative, I became destructive. I don't like myself in that form. Worse is how it makes me feel the next day. Much worse is the person I hurt.
What does this mean? drink-fast. learn to appreciate loved ones. don't bottle up. speak respectfully. love. care for others. be productive.
These moments have a way of bringing out the worst in me. I think I'm usually a good person, but last night i was a horrible person. the guilt is bad today.

cuando estoy borracho
se me sale el indio
de mi papa
el corajudo
que siempre estaba
en mal humor
y golpeaba
mi madre

debes de decir
cariños
me decia

¿quieres que te arregle?

tengo susto
que diran

¿recuerdas papa?

i-gua-li-to.

Sometimes

you think everything is right, but it's not. I'm getting one of those feelings. But no way to know until what is not right happens.

In the meanwhile I am working in a manuscript to submit to a comrade. The strange part about the writing world (as is everything else) is the competitiveness. We all know that we are working against one another although belonging to an art which benefits from assisting each other.

I don't believe "we" (that means this is a disclaimer) focus on creating small groups and helping those people out. We don't help out as many as we can.

I feel as if i'm saying everything with twice the words i need to use.

Let me be precise:

To survive it feels as if we

1. need to be selfish
2. network for the purpose of benefit
3. are pressured by time
4. never know what is going on around us

The last reason wasn't that good but somewhat close. Time to help a friend with some editing.  I hope to organize my home office this week while i am off of work. I hope to be productive.

*adios*