"1st" Day of Vacation

Finally, after a week off from work I feel as if I am on vacation. Vacations during holidays shouldn't count. Most of the time is spent preparing, attending, and recovering from holiday celebrations. Adding to the stress of Christmas (to much money spent), my neighbors mom passed away, as well as my friends mother. Those events took away some of the holiday spirit. But today was different: I cleaned in the morning, read a bit in the afternoon, and overall felt more productive. Perhaps the best part of the day was knowing that the paintings for my fence were completed. They look pretty awesome. I'm happy and here are the photos.

I can't wait to show these off. lol But i still need other renovations for the house. It's a start. I wanted something artistic. But knowing that the paintings were complete made me so happy. I'm going to finish reading Rain God tomorrow, it's likely. It's starting to pick up as far as suspense...i feel a dramatic conclusion coming up.

Starting Over

Another set of months without a post, although I have been doing so with facebook. Blogger doesn't get as good responses though, as far as immediate. But it is more of a journal/diary and allows me to write more. A lot of changes in life, but i'm not going to try and catch readers up with everything. Just the most important ones (or those I have dwelled on).
1. proposal
2. mother's illness
3. death of friends mom
4. vacation (that is not really vacation)

Eventually I might mention each. Currently im reading Rain God by Arturo Islas. I was supposed to read it for a graduate course, but I didn't have time start it. I started it again some time ago, but got as far as the first time I began reading it. This time around I'm finally getting farther. It's a good story, but not attracting my attention so much.
Sometimes I think I'm still trying to find an identity for this blog. Especially with all this time off, the first blog back is usually just to sort out what happened since last post.
No publications as of yet which somewhat worries me, but I think I will keep on trying until I get something. Two years I think since I was last published. That is probably to long and I should have kept submitting. Although I don't want to submit to strictly "chicano" publications. I want for my "pocho" theme to be accepted by more maintstream areas. But without a response from the publications I don't know why my poems are being rejected. In the meanwhile I will continue doing volunteering and creating chapbooks. Life is a little bit of everything, not all one passion.

Old Friend New

Have you ever thought you knew someone fairly well, until they show you their blog and you realize they are hardcore readers (more than you knew) and bloggers (including author interviews & giveaways), and they have their own bookmarks. Crazy, isn't it?

This is my friend Missie, and her blog:http://www.theunreadreader.com/

She deals with specific genres (some which I don't read), but reading is reading, and I didn't start off reading Chicano literature. I began by reading UFO books, comics, and the back of basketball cards.

So, please take the time to read her funny and witty blogs.

Reading

I finished reading Gwendolyn Zepeda's To the Last Man I Slept with and All the Jerks Just Like Him which turned out to be somewhat surreal: stories of ants smelling panties (it's true, but not easily admitted) and how living in a trailer park you still have a struggle for status. I know i enjoyed it for it's creativity and honesty, but I'm not sure what else I took from it. I don't do similar writing, as in short stories, so to use the same method in my poems might be difficult.
On another note, I enjoy reading novels and short stories more than poetry. Is that common? I hope it doesn't mean I am following the wrong path. lol
Continuing my reading, I have started on When I was Puerto Rican by Esmeralda Santiago. So far so good. Pretty much a description of life in Puerto Rico by the oldest daughter of a ever growing family. I'm waiting to see where it keeps going from my current spot. I also find myself reading a lot more female authors. Maybe they provide a different viewpoint i'm accustomed to by growing up in a single parent home? It's all just theory.

Life-wise, just waiting for two upcoming trips to Austin. Also hoping to find some teaching work for the next semester. I am okay right now money-wise, and the move isn't about money. I'm just trying to find something which gives me more time to volunteer and produce chapbooks. I can't work desk jobs anymore. Actually, I haven't really had a desk job. I think this is my first one, and turns out I don't like it. lol

Life is not at a stand still, but i expect more out of my 8-5 (9 hours) a day than sitting here. I love my job when i am able to advise students, but slow days are slow. bien despacito.

Which is where I am at now. and not having anything to do kills your spirit. Sitting here and waiting. terrible. I am working on a new poem while at work, pero no me da ganas a escribir.

---------------------------------------------

Sangre

de mi padre,
sangre que tal vez
es un poco de moreno
porque mi padre–
chino–
tiene ganchos
negros
que lastiman.

tengo sangre de machista
y infiel. la raza
de mi tío
asesinado por tener amante
olvidado por la ley
y sus hijos.

matrimonio
promesas
pelo corto
no pueden parar patillas
que se me enchinan

y los glóbulos de rojo,
blanco, y verde
es una mezcla
de corajudo,
silencio, y
deseo
peligroso.

Here we go again

Last post I think was in May. It's about three months later. Things that have happened.

1. I graduated w/ my MFA in Creative Writing
2. I still have not fixed anything around the house.
3. My quitting work fantasies are starting to come more often.
4. I applied for a job teaching ENG courses at the local CC.
5. I decided not to pursue my PhD

I think that's it. kinda lame for three months. somewhat relaxing though. now i'm finally beginning to submit my poems for publication but sometimes i think it is to late, as far as my age. i just started my 30's, so i know its a bit to drastic of a thought, but i wish i knew this much in my 20's. i don't think i had the benefit of knowing what i really wanted.

I have to submit one poem today to the local newspaper. I will use Spanish only and wonder if they will publish it. the poem itself isn't bad. If you want an give it a shot, here is the link:

http://www.themonitor.com/articles/wants-28579-festiva-poem.html

I want to publish in 2 particular places.

1. In magazines which do not usually use poems that have code switching or chican@/poch@ themes.

2. publications which cater to not only the chican@/poch@, but those that are geared towards a wider community, for instance Lowrider magazine. Yes, I want to publish in Lowrider magazine. Why? I grew up reading/seeing the magazine, introduced to it by my brother. The poems I write about are about the persons in that magazine.

I want to reach my audience. What's the point of the person I write about don't know how important their lives have been to me?

If you are a poet, author, or anyone, let me know what you think. I enjoy talking to random people. I have tried to e-mail random authors, but I think they are too busy for anything more than a short response. lol

adios for now.
-ic

Fed up

with work. Part of it has to be me, but for now I will put the blame all on work. It is not monotonous, so that isn't the problem. It's more how the conditions or the way in things are run haven't improved. Three years and this job has actually gotten worse. I would hope most jobs get better with time and as people learn "the ropes". Not so. Writing this blog is helping though.
If i could: I would quit this job. I would seriously consider a PhD program. I would travel some more. I would find a job where I feel more appreciated and there is a better bond with all the staff. I would find a job where I could be myself more. One where I didn't have to feel watched. I would look for the almost perfect job, because i don't really want perfection.
I'm listening to some pandora and that should help relieve some stress...especially with "Galapogos" by Smashing Pumpkins right now.
I need to relieve some stress.

Helicopters and Rain

Recently the local news has run stories on helicopters circling random locations. The news stories usually attribute it to any of residential neighborhoods here in the Valley. Only recently was it announced that two of those sightings were attributed to the National Guard, which was patrolling the rio grande valley as part of Rick Perry's "Border Violence Spillover Contingency Plan". I searched for the details on this plan online and nothing. Most stories covered the stories and a few quotes by Perry about how this plan will help protect Texas residents. Exact details on on this "Plan" are not available because it seems to be literally a secret. I believe one quote stated how divulging the "Plan" will hinder its purpose. I have no idea how a plan to protect Texans involves helicopters. I don't know what type of technology these helicopters are equipped with but regardless i am doubtful that from that height, they are able to identify "Zetas" or whatever it is they are looking for [at this point we haven't been told of their targets either, most likely because telling us who we are being protected from may be divulging to much].
My fear is that this is the beginning and the end might include ground troops. In my opinion, there has been no spillover. Is this muscle flex for show? Much more, it seems that these helicopters were "mysterious" because the public was not informed of their presence. When will we be told about what is going on in our valley? In a strange twist, I am more fearful of the national guard and Perry's agenda than the Mexican cartels on the other side.

Here is the link to the helicopter story



In other news, it has rained most of the week. Good for the grass and my thoughts. It puts me in a pensive mood, as noted above. I have started to write more about my father which seems to be my "wall". I don't hate my father now because I never learned who he really was. The stories of my mother and up until the end of their marriage in my teen years are the only memories i can go on. But in my writing when I write about him I am able to see the connection to myself. I think that is mostly why he is the "wall". My father represents, in my eyes, a close likeness to myself. Sometimes I think I unintentionally aspired to be like him. He didn't seem close to anyone in the family, era un birinche, and felt others were ashamed of him. Does that describe me? Sometimes it does, and then I feel I am also like my mother, worrisome. I'm lucky to have their faults in me, because I am not alone, and neither are they. We can hate our family, but I don't see much point of it. I think there are more worthy people to hate (in most cases) than family. It seems to easy to hate family because they are part of our daily lives. How can we not dislike them at some point or another after spending so much time together? But I feel that my father is the person that I am most defined by. His presence, absence, and actions. I do not use the word influence in such as a positive term, but strictly neutral. My father has influenced me and I am just realizing it in my writing.

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I turned in what should be my second to last thesis rough draft. I'm hoping it doesn't get to many corrections. With my poems, after reading them again, I don't feel they are strong. Maybe a few, but the majority need a lot of work. Sometimes I will come up with an idea, but I'm hesitant to reproduce styles like those of raul salinas and images in poem. But I just want to graduate...I'm tired.

Blast from the Past

Yes, i just used that cliche. But it fits what happened in the past two days. I don't think throughout my life i have had many friends but the ones i do are important to me. And about two days ago i reconnected w/ the person whom i consider my first college friend. It's strange sometimes to go back to the past because it makes me think of how much time has changed me for better and worse. It's been so long. I think of what i have done in those 7 years since, and sometimes i think it wasn't much. There are things there, but maybe I have forgotten them. Anyways, I am happy to have my friend back. It's as if i have regained a chunk of my memories back...any little bit that someone can help me remember is good. Not sure where my point is going. I should be writing here more often, at least as a device for stress relief.
Final Thoughts: happy just to be getting closer to the end of the semester. i am almost there. then what? maybe teaching. at least i have a job right now. I can take my time with it a bit. maybe i can get published...but i really have to work on my poems.
Right now feels like a period of inconsistency? I can't find the right word. I haven't come up with any new poems, mainly focusing on the ones i have written.
Okay, this is going nowhere...lol
*gone*

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Test for blog.

Just Read

"Nade y Nade" by Evangelina Vigil, and for the most part I liked the poems. I can understand why my profes and others tell me my poetry is to short. Most of her poems in this collection are only a few (6-8) lines long. Le falta, y queria mas. The book is from the library so I made copies I could write on. Some of my favorite lines:

"no se cual es mas peligroso:
lo hondo
o la corriente"
(lo hondo)

"los chicanos
le tienen miedo a los indios"
(escame)

Looking at her poems published at 29 years old and the current styles of 30's people contrast the current focus on details and elaborateness. I enjoy the simplicity of the poems because her words can be interpreted by reader without being fed to many images by the reader. I try that with my own writing, but it's always about more and specific images. They want to see my world, but my poetry isn't just about my world. It's about words, what they mean to each person, and the change of context based on environments.

anyways, I liked her poems, but I see the need to elaborate. Otherwise, years from now they might appear to simplistic.