Feliz Cumpleaños a Mi

Tomorrow is my birthday. I think most years I haven't wanted anything, but this year I want to be showered by birthday wishes. I feel the need for people to know that I am one year older, but I am ashamed at the idea that I want people to know. I momentarily imagine myself showered by gifts, but I just want some acknowledgement. I want this birthday to mark the beginning of a new year. If I can accomplish more than this year, then it will be successful. I want to be acknowledged for my accomplishments. Is it wrong to be selfish? To feed oneself?
I want tomorrow to be a contradiction: uneventful and mine.

I think i want:
the gift i haven't t found for anyone
a midnight call
memories reborn
forgiveness
love
confession

I want to
free your mind

I need to
rest my feet

I think
...this year

I know
I'm not immune

Remember

I have assignments due next week and in an odd way I am ahead because I have thought about them all day and I think I have begun/finished most of them but in others, I can't remember what I was supposed to do. I have to turn in an analysis...but for what? I have to present on Deleuze, which article? I think I'm weirding out because of all the time I have had today...and being at home all day bites. Well, I wasn't home all day, but now I can't seem to step away from the computer. You're evil. And I want to write, but not here, I'm tired of the screen, inside, but I don't want to go somewhere alone. But i don't want to go with anyone. It's confusing, but by tonight I would watch the movie for the research paper, and hope the movie is acceptable, and maybe Monday I'll work on The Wizard of Oz. I even wonder why the papers matter so much if the final paper and exams are 40% each. It's time I calculate grades.

Anyways, i think that's it. No poem, no ideas, just writing.

Published

I did it! I had a work accepted for publication in the online version of The Rio Grande Review. Okay, so it's not in print, but this is a start. lol The piece is Boom Town which is one of the poems I have liked since the beginning. I submitted other pieces, but those still need work. I am just happy to have received encouragement to submit poems. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't accomplish a lot of other things. So let's call this the start! I gladly celebrated with two sandwiches and Pringles for dinner. It tasted sooo good.

Lately, I feel like I have been on repetition, saying the same words repeatedly. i don't want to be shut out, unwelcomed.

sueño
que mi cuerpo
se levanta
de tus manos
y allí voy
entre tus dedos
escapando
del calor
a la voz
de tu musica
me encuentro
voltiado
entre tus palabras
y historias
entros los
sueños
de tu amor

Reality

This is perhaps as real as this blog will get.
My brother came down from Houston and I am happy to have my family here. I saw almost everybody in the house when I got home. It felt like home, it felt like life death granted me a wish.
And we drank and we ate, we talked...always about the past. There is no bother of the future because it will always change. The past, it is the same. We have the same ideas of the past, it doesn't matter if we agree or disagree.
My brother is like my father figure.
I show my fatigue more, for show. I do not care. I am awake and i write for the intoxication. I write to the truth that says:


believe
that life is some
complex being
some monster
in the mind
that brings out ideas
and lives to eat
what is missing
that love monster
is going out
to the pasture
to the filed
the orange field
and going into the
deep
of dreams
and little snakes
they dance
and they make
the gestures necessary
to say I am
alive for this
alive for some sort of feeling
and rising
of emotions
this is my life in this instant
and I feel
alive

Almost Friday

means that i have to complete two applications by some time during the day, advise approximately nine students, and then volunteer at JDC.

But on the bright side, I resolved my struggle with car insurance. I bet everybody knows how insurance is not only a safety requirement, but also a measure of independence. It's true, my society says. I could have become truly independent and held insurance on my own name...for the price of about $847 dollars. Or, I could be the son that still has insurance under his mom, because that will run about $247.
Independence is too expensive, and I'd rather deal with the cost of mom insurance. I'll take the passionate reminders because for companies I'm not old or safe enough to be trusted with cheap insurance.

There was something else to write, but it must have been a lie.

I am thinking----------------------


erase my words
from context
and develop
this sense of
love code switch
trade my amor
for love
cuz amor is
passion
and love is
commitment

cuz u deserve
some type
of forever
para siempre
l-a-o-m-v-o-e-r