to drink a day ago, Bacardi 151 and Coke made me start thinking about my father who is somewhere. Meaning I don't know where he is and haven't really seen or talked to him in a few years. I was watching youtube videos of classic mexican songs like "el canoero" y "la sirena" when I started watching Rigo Tovar's "Mi Matamoros Querido" and it wasn't so much the song, but the image of Tovar. I don't have a picture of my dad on me right now, but he was somewhat short, not stocky, but a slightly larger build, curly hair, and dark. If you see the video, you'll realize that I was bringing up memories of my dad as I was watching the video. I cried.
But if you ask me why, exactly...i don't know. Right now I don't miss my father. I hardly think of him. He wasn't a great father. Unfortunately, I can't remember my exact feelings that night, but I know it was because of him.
Maybe because I haven't figured him out yet is why I feel sad. It could be that I won't be able to say goodbye when he has passed on. Right now, I feel it's because I see parts of his behavior and mannerisms within myself.
Maybe I cried from fear.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Almost Time
for the semester to begin, this one being extra special since I start teaching ENG 1301 at the local community college. I should be working on the syllabus right now, but somehow when I have an urgent task I seem to get motivated to clean and rearrange. lol
It wasn't all bad since I did clean up my roses. And somehow, with all I have to do, I decided to pick another book from my "library" to read this week. Staying busy makes me happy. Not having anything to do is sad.
So the book I chose is A Fabricated Mexican by Rick P. Rivera, where once more a young man with Mexican origins struggles with his ethnicity living in the United States. Sometimes it feels like I am reading the same story again. lol The plot is important but the setting interest me the most. I learn more by studying where the character has grown up (texas/california usally)and the differences in the family.
I wont be reading today, but tomorrow looks like a good day to sit outside and read.
No writing as of yet. To much thinking to focus on writing. Although, I need to start submiting. And I just realized I missed an important submission deadline. damn. Have to do better.
It wasn't all bad since I did clean up my roses. And somehow, with all I have to do, I decided to pick another book from my "library" to read this week. Staying busy makes me happy. Not having anything to do is sad.
So the book I chose is A Fabricated Mexican by Rick P. Rivera, where once more a young man with Mexican origins struggles with his ethnicity living in the United States. Sometimes it feels like I am reading the same story again. lol The plot is important but the setting interest me the most. I learn more by studying where the character has grown up (texas/california usally)and the differences in the family.
I wont be reading today, but tomorrow looks like a good day to sit outside and read.
No writing as of yet. To much thinking to focus on writing. Although, I need to start submiting. And I just realized I missed an important submission deadline. damn. Have to do better.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Book Completed
I finished reading The Rain God by Arturo Islas. It was a confusing book for me, the way the family characters came in and out of the story. Perhaps there weren't that many, but I couldn't grasp the family tree as well, which I think took away from my enjoyment of the novel. I think it is representative of a type of Mexican family living in the U.S, but it wasn't similar to mine. Perhaps that's why I felt I was reading somebody else's life and I wasn't able to lose myself in the book. Maybe because it was so short, I didn't get to connect to each character well enough. I enjoyed the book but not enough to enthusiastically recommend it. It was a complex mixture of sexuality, family dynamics, and death. Thinking now about it, it's interesting how the entire book focuses on the family rather than outsiders effect on the family. It's a good book, very deep, and "unapologetic". This book would have been good for a discussion because of the numerous relationships to unravel. Happy I read it, although I was supposed to have done so about a year ago. Sorry Dr. M.
I haven't chosen a next book to read, but I'm also looking into submission deadlines. I need to take care some of that before I go reading more. Doing more this year, I'm serious. I took about a 6 month break from being "creative" and I missed it. I always need a bit of a push, but I think it's time I put myself out there a bit more, lost some of that fear of failure (in respect to conferences and my place in the scholarly worlds).
Also, I'm almost a lecturer, right? Well, I might be getting a new full-time job within the next few months. I hope so. I need some change. imu
I haven't chosen a next book to read, but I'm also looking into submission deadlines. I need to take care some of that before I go reading more. Doing more this year, I'm serious. I took about a 6 month break from being "creative" and I missed it. I always need a bit of a push, but I think it's time I put myself out there a bit more, lost some of that fear of failure (in respect to conferences and my place in the scholarly worlds).
Also, I'm almost a lecturer, right? Well, I might be getting a new full-time job within the next few months. I hope so. I need some change. imu
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Officially (Almost)
A lecturer (ENGL 1301). That's my new title at the local community college. Can you believe it, me? some random person from Alton, who studied biology and went from one random job to another. That's me. This new title could possibly change my life. It might motivate me enough to dream more (than i do) and go through with it. Conferences, publications, networking.
[i'm addicted to "16 and pregnant" on MTV]
I feel proud of myself. I am doing this. I applied, I wasn't afraid and I didn't back away. and I think I can do more in the future. I'm respected [and probably soon disrespected by students. lol]. I even thought of going back for a few hours of Biology so i could teach college level biology, although the truth is that its difficult, but i do like challenges.
[my first semester as a graduate student in biology i had a panic attack and never went back]
Change is coming soon, and maybe I can be involved in that change. I can do this (since technically i haven't started teaching just yet). I took a look at the required textbook and the essays are basic ones. I can use supplemental readings and the question is how can i bring in Mexican American, Chicano/a, Poch@ ideas into the mix? ---Machicho? Sure why not (for now). Como puedo usar las ideas Machich@s?
[i looked up Machich@ and couldn't find anything to solid]
Can I make a difference because that's my goal. I need to make a difference and reach my audience. students are my audience. This is going to be good.
[i'm addicted to "16 and pregnant" on MTV]
I feel proud of myself. I am doing this. I applied, I wasn't afraid and I didn't back away. and I think I can do more in the future. I'm respected [and probably soon disrespected by students. lol]. I even thought of going back for a few hours of Biology so i could teach college level biology, although the truth is that its difficult, but i do like challenges.
[my first semester as a graduate student in biology i had a panic attack and never went back]
Change is coming soon, and maybe I can be involved in that change. I can do this (since technically i haven't started teaching just yet). I took a look at the required textbook and the essays are basic ones. I can use supplemental readings and the question is how can i bring in Mexican American, Chicano/a, Poch@ ideas into the mix? ---Machicho? Sure why not (for now). Como puedo usar las ideas Machich@s?
[i looked up Machich@ and couldn't find anything to solid]
Can I make a difference because that's my goal. I need to make a difference and reach my audience. students are my audience. This is going to be good.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Select Pocho Definitions
I'm finally getting the opportunity to write about pocho a bit. The following are definitions I found during my thesis research. I was hoping to use the following as part of the thesis but realized it was getting to scholarly and wasn't reflecting on my poetry as necessary.
But, I am interested in the history of "pocho" and its definition which has slightly changed over a long period of time. My biggest question is why it hasn't changed. Does it offend Chicano/a's? Why hasn't "pocho" become an empowering image?
Here are the definitions w/ sources cited:
1949: “a dialect roughly in southern Arizona, southern California and the upper part of Sonora, Mexico. Ex. pedir raite (hitch-hike)” (Hayes 48).
1965: “A derogatory label given by Mexican nationals to persons of Mexican de- scent born in the U.S.” (Perales 100).
1968: “Students who are about half Mexican and half Anglo; they speak a hodge- podge which is known in Mexican communities as pocho” (Hernandez 88).
1980: “bastardized” (Solis 44).
1980: “low-class Mexican American” (Berk-Seligson 100).
Sources
Berk-Seligson, Susan. "A Sociolinguistic View of the Mexican-American Speech Community: A Review of the Literature." Latin American Research Review 15.2 (1980): 65-110. Electronic.
Hayes, Francis C. "Anglo-Spanish Speech in Tampa, Florida." Hispania 32.1 (Feb., 1949): 48-52. Electronic.
Hernandez, Luis F. "Teaching English to the Culturally Disadvantaged Mexican-American Student." The English Journal 57.1 (Jan., 1968): 87-122. Electronic
Perales, Alonso M. "The Audio-Lingual Approach and the Spanish-Speaking Student." Hispania 48.1 (March, 1965): 99-102. Electronic
Solis, Theodore. "Munecas de Chiapaneco: The Economic Importance of Self-Image in the World of the Mexican Marimba." Latin American Music Review / Revista de Música Latinoamericana 1.1 (Spring - Summer, 1980): 34-46. Electronic
Something I take from the sources are the various groups it refers to: students, music, language, nationality, and adopted country. There is a complexity when referring to "pocho" and I do not believe to be simply a derogative term. On the surface the insults might seem uninspired, but I see a lot of tension and social discrimination.
Thoughts for now, but I'm hoping there is enough to do more research and reach some sort of conclusion/concept.
[end transmission]
But, I am interested in the history of "pocho" and its definition which has slightly changed over a long period of time. My biggest question is why it hasn't changed. Does it offend Chicano/a's? Why hasn't "pocho" become an empowering image?
Here are the definitions w/ sources cited:
1949: “a dialect roughly in southern Arizona, southern California and the upper part of Sonora, Mexico. Ex. pedir raite (hitch-hike)” (Hayes 48).
1965: “A derogatory label given by Mexican nationals to persons of Mexican de- scent born in the U.S.” (Perales 100).
1968: “Students who are about half Mexican and half Anglo; they speak a hodge- podge which is known in Mexican communities as pocho” (Hernandez 88).
1980: “bastardized” (Solis 44).
1980: “low-class Mexican American” (Berk-Seligson 100).
Sources
Berk-Seligson, Susan. "A Sociolinguistic View of the Mexican-American Speech Community: A Review of the Literature." Latin American Research Review 15.2 (1980): 65-110. Electronic.
Hayes, Francis C. "Anglo-Spanish Speech in Tampa, Florida." Hispania 32.1 (Feb., 1949): 48-52. Electronic.
Hernandez, Luis F. "Teaching English to the Culturally Disadvantaged Mexican-American Student." The English Journal 57.1 (Jan., 1968): 87-122. Electronic
Perales, Alonso M. "The Audio-Lingual Approach and the Spanish-Speaking Student." Hispania 48.1 (March, 1965): 99-102. Electronic
Solis, Theodore. "Munecas de Chiapaneco: The Economic Importance of Self-Image in the World of the Mexican Marimba." Latin American Music Review / Revista de Música Latinoamericana 1.1 (Spring - Summer, 1980): 34-46. Electronic
Something I take from the sources are the various groups it refers to: students, music, language, nationality, and adopted country. There is a complexity when referring to "pocho" and I do not believe to be simply a derogative term. On the surface the insults might seem uninspired, but I see a lot of tension and social discrimination.
Thoughts for now, but I'm hoping there is enough to do more research and reach some sort of conclusion/concept.
[end transmission]
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Changes?
Next month or two might bring changes.
1. applied for a adjunct ENG position at local community college
2. applied for full-time position at Writing center at current college
3. co-worker might quit.
I'm happy with all three, but the ones most important are # 1 & 2. Focus on those since they may mean more responsibility for me, and I think it's about time. I'm getting tired of sitting at a desk all day. It doesn't even help me write. At a meeting a few days ago i lost interest and attempted to write a poem but nothing came out of it. My writing lately has improved but is also less frequent. I should work on revisions and submitting mostly. I have a presentation in a few minutes so i'm going to make this short. Also, I apologize for not doing the "pocho" definitions yesterday. I was feeling old and fell asleep before 10pm.
I'm going to end with a poem I drastically revised for a reading at a local cafe/eatery. The poem is based on pulga (aka flea market) experiences.
encontré
ramienta, buganvilias
piratas y cojidas
busco de todo
que es taboo
la virgen y la santísima
los sobadores
la idioma de la patria
illegales, trabajadores, padres
ven a mirar
lo que te falta
rusted tonka trucks
peliculas gay
entre platanos y papayas
mi papa con la otra
1. applied for a adjunct ENG position at local community college
2. applied for full-time position at Writing center at current college
3. co-worker might quit.
I'm happy with all three, but the ones most important are # 1 & 2. Focus on those since they may mean more responsibility for me, and I think it's about time. I'm getting tired of sitting at a desk all day. It doesn't even help me write. At a meeting a few days ago i lost interest and attempted to write a poem but nothing came out of it. My writing lately has improved but is also less frequent. I should work on revisions and submitting mostly. I have a presentation in a few minutes so i'm going to make this short. Also, I apologize for not doing the "pocho" definitions yesterday. I was feeling old and fell asleep before 10pm.
I'm going to end with a poem I drastically revised for a reading at a local cafe/eatery. The poem is based on pulga (aka flea market) experiences.
encontré
ramienta, buganvilias
piratas y cojidas
busco de todo
que es taboo
la virgen y la santísima
los sobadores
la idioma de la patria
illegales, trabajadores, padres
ven a mirar
lo que te falta
rusted tonka trucks
peliculas gay
entre platanos y papayas
mi papa con la otra
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Canto Mundo
I just realized I haven't talked about applying to Canto Mundo. It was a bit last minute and I am optimistic I will be chosen, although the reality is that I won't. My poems could use some extra work (i always think that, do you?) and I'm not sure if I fit their criteria. They mention identifying with Latino/a, but i'm trying to identify with poch@. That is my project for the year. Create a description and identity for poch@, just as Latino/a and Chicano/a have earned their titles. Maybe I should just start writing about poch@ based on my thesis work. I need to review all the definitions i obtained. I hope I still have that work and I wasn't stupid and deleted it. I will check later tonight and post on the topic again.
On another note, I'm running a 10K this weekend which means no drinking. I am mentioning that so I stay away from alcohol, even though poch@ research would go well with it. After Saturday.
On another note, I'm running a 10K this weekend which means no drinking. I am mentioning that so I stay away from alcohol, even though poch@ research would go well with it. After Saturday.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Cliche New Start
The new year started off with "a bang". Here's a list:
a. brother almost blew his face off with fireworks. (he's fine, no damage other than a really good scare)
b. Had a get together at Poch@'s.
That's actually the end of the list, which should require three items (next time).
But I want to expand on the idea of poch@ this year. Maybe attend some seminars and such. I'm hoping to. I'm also wanting to make D&I house more of a hang out for artist (and others). I want people to have fun, I want to have fun. Fun = (another list)
1. movie nights
2. game nights
3. reading nights
4. cookouts are a required constant
5. random nights
That's what I want my place to be. I started off with the paintings and i'm hoping to get more done. Yes, today's post has nothing to do with literature, in the literal sense...?
Again, just ideas that I am trying to complete this year. Maybe a resolution is to finish what i start. That sounds good. complete it. finish it. network. do more. do more.don't let work get me down. be more positive/strict with myself. i can do it.
thank you for listenting...whoever you are. lol
a. brother almost blew his face off with fireworks. (he's fine, no damage other than a really good scare)
b. Had a get together at Poch@'s.
That's actually the end of the list, which should require three items (next time).
But I want to expand on the idea of poch@ this year. Maybe attend some seminars and such. I'm hoping to. I'm also wanting to make D&I house more of a hang out for artist (and others). I want people to have fun, I want to have fun. Fun = (another list)
1. movie nights
2. game nights
3. reading nights
4. cookouts are a required constant
5. random nights
That's what I want my place to be. I started off with the paintings and i'm hoping to get more done. Yes, today's post has nothing to do with literature, in the literal sense...?
Again, just ideas that I am trying to complete this year. Maybe a resolution is to finish what i start. That sounds good. complete it. finish it. network. do more. do more.don't let work get me down. be more positive/strict with myself. i can do it.
thank you for listenting...whoever you are. lol
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