to drink a day ago, Bacardi 151 and Coke made me start thinking about my father who is somewhere. Meaning I don't know where he is and haven't really seen or talked to him in a few years. I was watching youtube videos of classic mexican songs like "el canoero" y "la sirena" when I started watching Rigo Tovar's "Mi Matamoros Querido" and it wasn't so much the song, but the image of Tovar. I don't have a picture of my dad on me right now, but he was somewhat short, not stocky, but a slightly larger build, curly hair, and dark. If you see the video, you'll realize that I was bringing up memories of my dad as I was watching the video. I cried.
But if you ask me why, exactly...i don't know. Right now I don't miss my father. I hardly think of him. He wasn't a great father. Unfortunately, I can't remember my exact feelings that night, but I know it was because of him.
Maybe because I haven't figured him out yet is why I feel sad. It could be that I won't be able to say goodbye when he has passed on. Right now, I feel it's because I see parts of his behavior and mannerisms within myself.
Maybe I cried from fear.
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